I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
