Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
