direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
