Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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