So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
