I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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