She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
