I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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