so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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