i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
