I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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