There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
