Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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