You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
