i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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