from now on my penis is your penis
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
