I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
