I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
NoShamevember. You game?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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