Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
