Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
