she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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