I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
