I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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