I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
