he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
