we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I currently don't understand fingers.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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