i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
