WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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