Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
