you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
