Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
