I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
