This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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