I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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