The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize