Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
