Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
