I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
