I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
