Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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