Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
