I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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