i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
