I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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