Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
