I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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