This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
