Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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