I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
