Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
