wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
