fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
