Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
