Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Someone came in the potted fern
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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