He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
dude. I can hear the air.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
