I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
