she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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