so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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