i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
