Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
