Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
