i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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