Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
