i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
