I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
