I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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