he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
